For more than a year, I didnt understand where God is leading me. Fathomless searching, I felt so exhausted. It’s almost two years after earning my degree, I was stuck around in my fuzzy plans which sometimes I think they’re just pure fantasies of mine.
I know before, God instructed me to wait upon His plans to progress – yes that’s what I believe He told me after I graduated. Though I have plans on my own, I obeyed Him because I trust His timing and maybe He’s just preparing me for the greater things. Initially, I embraced my season and just hoped for the best to come.
“Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and the late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.” – James 5:7-8
These verses I kept in my heart to remind myself always. But as every beat of time pass by, I fainted because it’seems like I’m just wasting my time doing nothing to achieve my goals.And to cut the long story short, I stopped waiting and did my own thing. I disregarded what God instructed me in the first place, I carried out my own plans and I disobeyed Him. Others are not conscious of my disobedience because what they’re seeing is me achieving what I want, but for God, I am His lost child blinded by own selfish desires.
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? ‘I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds’.” – Jeremiah 17:9-10 ESV
But you know what’s really good about God? Despite of my disobedience and shortcomings, He never gives up. He’s reminding me of my destiny in Him and keeps on leading me back to the right path where I am supposedly. I may forget His plans and who He is my life but He is the one telling me about Him and who I am for Him – that I am His child, His beloved. That He cares for me and He will always have the best instored. I lost my faith in Him to be honest, I failed to trust Him all the way, but once again because of Him I was restored and regained.
“He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.” – Psalms 23:3 ESV
And now, I am again hoping the best from Him – not from me nor anyone or anything else but from Him alone. I will obey Him no matter what it cost me, and even I fail to, I will seek Him with all my heart and ask for His grace and strength to sustain me as I walk towards the destiny He has prepared.
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord , plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV
“Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:30-31
and lastly….this 👇👇 as a reminder to me:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.- Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV